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« E Poi…

E poi ti ritrovi sul divano in una serata del cavolo, in cui pensi troppo e non concludi nulla..

I pensieri partono da paranoie e irrazionalità conosciute da tempo, ma poi sfociano in cose stupide e senza una fine..

Un pensiero rincorre l’altro, un dubbio crea una nuova certezza smontata poi da un nuovo dubbio nato proprio da quella che prima pareva una certezza..

Che cos’è la verità mi chiedo? E’ ciò che voglio?

Oppure vorrei la verità che mi piacerebbe sentire? Non so darmi una risposta a questa semplice domanda, ma secondo a questo pensiero nasce una nuova domanda… esiste davvero una verità?

O la verità è solo qualcosa di aleatorio, qualcosa che tutti diciamo di voler sentire ma poi alla fine fa troppo male?

Penso che siano troppe domande per una persona sola.. :-D

Chissà se tutte le persone si fanno queste cavolo di domande.. :-)

Stavo guardando Sex and The City, e tutte queste donne mi fanno un pò paura.. e se mi ritrovo a quarant’anni sola e senza una famiglia?? che ansia!

Nel frattempo il mio Tato è tornato dal giro caccotta con mio padre..

Quanto vorrei andarmene da qui..

Non che i miei mi stiano antipatici, sia chiaro..

E’ solo che mi va un pò stretta la convivenza..

Come si dice, l’uomo te lo scegli, i genitori no.. ma credo che sia la stessa cosa per loro.. :-)

Mi sa che anche io a volte sto stretta a loro.. :-P

Stavo pensando al fantomatico Uomo Giusto.. esiste davvero? o è solo una favola che ci raccontiamo noi donne per dare una giustificazione ai milioni di rapporti sbagliati che ci capitano nella vita?

Stessa frase di prima.. troppe domande per una persona solo..! :-D

Perchè me le pongo non lo so, ma ogni tanto mi faccio queste riflessioni, viaggi mentali che non capisco da dove partano..

A volte alla sera sono nel letto, sveglia, vista l’insonnia che mi ha colpito dall’operazione, e penso a come sarebbe stata la mia vita se avessi fatto scelte diverse..

Se avessi tenuto il mio bambino, se non avessi scelto di vivere, se mi fossi lasciata andare in quelle giornate troppo buie da essere sopportate da sola..

Sarei una brava mamma? O sarei pessima? Mi sarebbe mancato il padre oppure me la sarei cavata?

Un nostro amico, sposato con figli, mi ha detto che non devo mai guardare al passato, soprattutto perchè lui non merita la mia tristezza, che dovrei solo sorridere, che non dovrei più soffrire..

Che mi dovrei arrabbiare con lui per il male che mi ha fatto, per tutte le lacrime che ho versato per colpa sua..

Una sera è venuto da me, i miei non c’erano e volevo che restasse.

Ancora piangevo ogni notte, mi svegliavo urlando..

Lui è rimasto finchè non ha ricevuto una telefonata, mi ha detto che doveva andare e gli ho chiesto che doveva fare.

Mi ha detto che non poteva dirmelo.

Ha preso la porta e se n’è andato.

Ha aspettato l’ascensore guardandomi piangere e se n’è andato comunque..

Quando l’ho raccontato alla mia migliore amica mi ha posto solo una domanda: “Che razza di uomo è uno che ti lascia sulla porta a piangere? Per fare cosa poi, non te lo può dire?”

Non mi ha mai detto che doveva fare di così urgente da non poter rimandare..

Io scommetto che doveva andare a ballare con qualche amichetta…

O sono troppo cattiva…? :-D

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